Mourning the Death that Change Brings

I couldn’t wait to marry my husband. Most of our relationship had been long distance, and I wanted to be with him all the time. But after the wedding, I had to move from Orlando to Philadelphia. I left all my friends, family, a church I loved, and a well-established life of fourteen years.

Though I was happy to be with my husband, I was also very unhappy with my new life. I cried a lot. I cried when city life and marriage struggles got overwhelming. I cried thinking about the father-daughter dance at my wedding and how I had left those whom I was closest to. I cried because I had no friends, except my husband. And I had never suffered a shortage of friends in Florida.

I became a different person in Philadelphia. I was always so outgoing, and I suddenly grew more reserved and quiet around my husband’s friends and acquaintances. At the time, I didn’t stop and process or even admit something was wrong with me. I just tried to get through the unacknowledged struggle. It wasn’t until five years into my marriage that I could look back and see what had taken place. And I realize now that it was a death and resurrection.

Read the rest at Revive Our Hearts >>

Advertisements

‘Me Time’ Interrupted

{This blog post contains affiliate links.}

1:30 PM. Both of my boys take a 2 hour nap. Glory glory hallelujah’s echo through my mind as I prepare my pour-over coffee in solitude with a book ready in hand. This is my ‘me time’ as other cyber moms call it. A few hours without poopy diapers, constant questions and demands, playing blocks, and singing the ABC’s for the 100th time. I absolutely love all of those things (sometimes), but loving them doesn’t stop me from basking in my peaceful reverie. Until something changes.

Once I hear the baby cry for the second time or the toddler come out of his room, woken up prematurely, then I really love my ‘me time.’  Gratefulness turns to greediness. “Can’t I ever get a break around here?” is a question I’ve asked myself many times in my head. Sometimes it’s like my own personal mini raincloud appears over me and I grumble and complain to myself. The constant interruptions can get tiring. I only have a small window of time to look at my iPad, read a few pages in my book, or even write this blog post in one sitting. I’m like Gollum and this time is my precious.

Making a Mess with our Sin

We need a little time to ourselves (especially moms.) Those little breaks we get can be the fuel we need to keep going. So, in and of itself ‘me time’ is good, but the problem lies in our evil little hearts. We tend to soil good things, like spilling red pasta sauce on a white shirt. ‘Me time’ can become an idol. It can become a demanding god we must serve and bow down to everyday, thereby taking the place of the one true God. When ‘me time’ expresses itself in greediness, selfishness, and pride then we’ve put time to ourselves on a pedestal.

Doing our Job with Joy

I’m guilty of this. I selfishly don’t want to be interrupted by a crying baby. I pridefully demand my right to have time to myself, and I become greedy over how and when I want to spend my time. Basically, I become an old curmudgeon. I forget being a mom is my number one job, but I really forget that it should also be a joy.

That’s my problem; without Christ’s help I lack joy in the mundanity of motherhood. In the book, Mom Enough: The Fearless Mother’s Heart and Hope (Affiliate Link), two ladies capture this sentiment well:

Christine Hoover says,

“The everyday question asks not just about my duties, but also about my attitude. Will I joyfully pour out my life as a fragrant offering before the Lord for the benefit of my children?”

Gloria Furman says,

“By God’s grace, I can resist the temptation to treat my children as interruptions to my will for my life. Instead, God enables me to treat my children as precious gifts he is using to shape me into his image according to his will for my life.” 

Motherhood should not be a pattern of grin and bear it situations, but motherhood should be marked by joy and delight in God’s little gifts to us. Little gifts who love to interrupt us.

4 Ways to not be Busy

Part 4 of the Christian Thinking series. 

I am woman.

I am invincible. 

I am tired. 

A saying borrowed from a 1970’s song succinctly states a dilemma still facing today’s women. The feminist movement has always told us we are strong and powerful and can do anything we set our minds to do. Then why are we so exhausted? We throw around the phrase, “I’m busy,” like a boomerang. It feels like we are playing a broken record on repeat trying to get the same things done every day, but it doesn’t end; and does anything really get done?

This is the mentality of our western culture — a hurried frenzied mess. We pop stress like pain pills. If you aren’t running like mad through this labyrinth of busyness like everyone else then you are boring or lazy, right? This way of thinking is so wrong, but it’s such a strong cultural pressure pushing on us that it’s hard not to give in.

As women we think we can never do enough. If we choose to stay home with our kids then we feel like we should make up for not having another job title by staying super busy around the house. Whether a working mom, stay at home mom, or a single career woman, there is always pressure out there to do more than we are already doing. How should we think through this false cultural way of thinking and replace it with a Christian way of thinking?

1.) You can’t do it all

It’s hard to admit it. It’s humbling to realize we are actually weak people in desperate need of strength from God. I’ve been realizing this lately. I’ve always struggled with self-sufficiency and pride. When my husband goes out of town or works late a few nights in a row I think I can handle everything on my own. A toddler, a baby, and a house to take care of can’t be that hard, right? Then when I try to do too much with him gone I become burnt out, stressed, and exhausted. I realize I actually need a lot of help.

We aren’t mean’t to do everything on our own. God gave us a support system through his church body and our own family unit. Ask for help more often from your husband, friends, family, and most importantly God. Just admitting you can’t do it all is the starting line that frees you to run the race. God says he gives grace to the humble, but opposes the proud. So, humble yourself, ask God for help more often, and he will pour his grace on you.

2.) You can’t please everyone

The only one we need to please is God. Ask yourself, with the season I’m in right now what is God calling me to do? What would please him? It should be a very simple answer.

For example, with the season of life I’m in right now my calling is to serve my husband and children. Right now, for me this looks like staying home and taking care of our children, our house, and preparing food for us. It’s ok if I want to add a few other activities to my plate that I enjoy or need to do, but my top priority and main focus are my husband and children and taking care of our home. If anything else infringes on that priority then I need to evaluate my options and say no to some things.

Nancy Leigh Demoss says,

“Freedom, joy, and fruitfulness come from seeking to determine God’s prioritites for each season of life.”

3.) Be intentional

The Greek philosopher Socrates once said,

“Beware the barrenness of a busy life.”

Why is it barren? Because being busy just for the sake of being busy lacks purpose and focus.

God redeemed us to give us purpose. Our purpose on this earth is to know him more, make him known to others, and to bring him glory in whatever lot he gives us at the moment. This is the purpose of every true Christian man and woman. God’s Word gives us guidelines for other ways we have purpose in this life and how we can please him. His Word can help us be intentional, because it speaks to every season of life.

Jesus is a true example of intentionality. He came to this earth as a man with one purpose, one focus, one intent, and that was to bring salvation to mankind. He was always about doing his father’s will. Every miracle and every teaching in his earthly ministry had one focal point, and that was the fulfillment of the Gospel through himself. The miracles and teachings were just tools he used to achieve his one mission.

After 33 years of ministry, Jesus was able to say,

“I have glorified you on the earth: I have finished the work which you gave me to do.” John 17:4

His one purpose on earth was fulfilled. It was finished. What work has God given you to do right now? You can go to bed with an unfinished to do list if you finished the work God had for you for the day.

4.) Rest

Among the agenda of Jesus’ ministry he always went off alone to pray and think. We can’t do the work God has for us without rest. At the top of the list is spiritual rest. We have to make time to study and meditate on God’s Word and pray often.

Also, make time to exercise other forms of rest. Nap. Just sit, think, and read. Do something creative with your hands. Take a walk. Learn to be ok with being alone with yourself and with God. Learn to be still and quiet.

If the season you are in right now does not lend time for more specific areas of rest then just focus on spiritual rest.

Much of the barren busyness in our culture is an unconscious tactic to fill the empty void inside us. This is not how it should be for us as Christians. We are already fulfilled in Christ, we don’t need an endless amount of appointments and activities to make us feel important or worth something. We have only one life on this earth, let’s not waste it being busy.

Part 5 >>