Give Your Suitor Some Grace

He wasn’t putting himself out there. His indirect attempts at prompting my admissions were not working. I stood firm and resolute. He kept prying.

It was our third date, he was putting the feelers out, and I wasn’t having it. No way would I be the first one to jump in the water. I expected him to directly broach the topic of our relationship with me. I wanted him to tell me his feelings first and initiate an official relationship. Yet we were at a stalemate. The awkward silence swallowed our fun evening as it came to a close.

When we parted ways, I became angry and began to doubt him. “Maybe he’s not the kind of guy I want?” “This isn’t going to work out.” “He’s not leading and initiating like he should.” My harsh judgments were growing like a hard shell around my heart, and I began rejecting him internally. I thought it would end before it had even begun….

Continue reading this post at DesiringGod.org >>

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11 thoughts on “Give Your Suitor Some Grace”

  1. Wow! What a well written article Liz! Thank you for sharing your story. It is such an important reminder in any relationship to ask God to change us first. What an encouragement this was to me today.

      1. Thank you so much for writing an article like this. I first saw this article on the Desiring God blog yesterday and it immediately hit home for me because this is my exact problem in dating relationships (one that is not really a problem in my friendships). I am currently dating a wonderful man, but I still struggle with this and it is something I know I must daily take to God as I hope to overcome these tendencies.

      2. Hey! I’m so glad it helped you. If it makes you feel any better, it’s still my tendency too. 🙂 Looking back, I think some of my harsh scrutinizing of men was influenced in part by feminist thinking. Feminism has a long history: some good, some bad, but it’s become completely integrated into mainstream thought so that we can’t discern it anymore. Ultimately, it’s our sin, but I think a lot of negative feminist thought influences women without them realizing it too.

  2. I saw this article on Facebook and I have to say that it was very refreshing to come across. Currently dating someone that is a lot like you described, and I was constantly feeling very conflicted about it (even though he’s a wonderful guy!) due to my very traditional biblical view of relationships. Good to know that it can still work out, and that there’s plenty of opportunity for grace to operate!

    1. Glad to hear this! Actually, before this situation happened I already knew he was a good leader…it was one of the biblical traits that drew me to him. After the awkward situation and me giving him another chance he really did great stepping out, expressing his feelings, and initiating the relationship. We’re all just human after all. 🙂

  3. Hi there! I stumbled upon your article through a friend’s facebook link. This particular entry really makes me think a lot. Actually there are a couple of questions that I would really love to ask you personally. Is there any way I can contact you through email? I hope it doesn’t come out too forward. Thanks a lot beforehand 🙂

  4. So thankful for your biblical insight to practical, everyday-life issues. I currently just got engaged to a wonderful man with a heart for learning God and displaying the gospel. However, almost our entire relationship I have been discontent because I am so quick to find his faults and to find the ways he falls short. Your insight has shown me that my focus must first be on God and obeying his word and serving others, aka our spouses. Looking forward to displaying and glorifying God in marriage through showing grace to my future husband. Thank you so much for this blog!

  5. After five years of marriage, I am still happily called to do this “till death do us part. I’m so grateful my friend confronted my unrealistic expectations and challenged me to extend my suitor some grace.

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